I couldn't resist...

Found this gem on the interwebs. Just had to post it based on my blog's header.

Jacob Slichter: rock drummer and all-around nice guy

While finishing up my music minor at Indiana University in 2005 I enrolled in a class entitled "Intro to the Music Business". I'll never forget that class - mostly because it earned me the final 3 credits needed for a bachelor's degree and that music minor. It was my last class completed at IU; the final breath of my life as a college student. Sometimes, when I need to go to a 'happy place', I think about placing that final exam of my final class on the professor's desk and walking out of IU's famed Musical Arts Center feeling a thousand pounds lighter and floating on a cloud of accomplishment. College and I had a love/hate thing going on. There were times when graduating didn't seem like a possibility.

Without further digressing into a stroll down memory lane, I'll tell you why I bring this up: One of the required readings from my final class was a non-fiction work entitled So You Wanna be a Rockstar by Jacob Slichter.
Remember the song "Closing Time" from the late 90's? Of course you do - who could deny rocking out to the final few minutes of the song singing 'I know who I want to take me home!!/ Take me hoooooome' right along with the music. That song was written and recorded by the band Semisonic. Jacob Slichter played drums in Semisonic. So You Wanna be a Rockstar is his story.

I recommend the book to any music fan or musician out there reading this. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to go from an unknown guy writing songs in his basement, working the day-job, and dreaming of success to being a member of an internationally recognized, multi-platinum band complete with stylists, a road crew, and a tour bus? I always did, and Jake's book really opened my eyes. It's written in a funny, insightful, and self-deprecating tone that has a way of reminding readers that while the author may be a semi-famous rock drummer, he is still a normal guy from Illinois telling us all how the music business actually works. Some of the typical rock-star lifestyle stereotypes are true, most are not, and it's fascinating to get a dose of truth from a first-hand source without the 'rock-star ego' clouding the stories. To be blunt -go buy the book and read it. It's some of the best 'music biz non-fiction' I've ever read.

As mentioned earlier - I read the book in 2005, loved it, and then loaned it to my roommate (a musician like me). Years passed, I forgot about the music business as a viable career choice (gave up before trying, more accurately), and I forgot about this great little book. I met up with that same college roommate recently and he returned my copy along with apologies for keeping it 6+ years. He also said it was fantastic as he read it more than once. Isn't it funny how a person can totally forget about certain books, songs, poems, etc that meant a lot to them at a particular time only to have it re-surface later unexpectedly? It's like driving in the car and randomly hearing the song that was playing when you had your first kiss. You hadn't heard or even thought about that song since 1995, but as soon as it pours into your ears and finds its way to the 'reserved' section of your mind, you're instantly transported to middle school awkwardness. When I saw the book, it took me back to a time when a music career was all I wanted, all I thirsted for. Back when a music career was possible. Basically - back to that magic time just after graduation but before the harsh realities of the 'real world' came crashing in. Back before I knew what the hell a 401k was. You get my drift...

So, I began reading the book again this summer and enjoyed it twice as much the second time around. While reading I thought to myself "I wonder what ever happened to Semisonic? Their last album was released like 10 years ago, and it seems they just faded off..." After a quick check on the band's website (www.semisonic.com) I learned that they are keeping busy. So busy that plans to record another Semisonic album are on a back-burner as each member of the band is working on various projects. After browsing the site I found a link that said simply "email Jake" (the drummer and author of the book in question). I clicked, more out of curiosity than anything else, and lo and behold my Outlook popped up ready for me to type an email. Jake's email address was sitting innocently in my 'to:' field.

"Why the hell not?" I thought aloud. I love his book and have purchased all three Semisonic albums (they're really really good by the way). Might as well tell him how much I liked all that work he's done. So I wrote a short email to Jake explaining why I read the book, how much I enjoyed it, etc. I thought it might make it's way to him at some point and it would be a nice thing to randomly read 7 years after the book had been published. So I push 'send'.

An hour later I got a response.

Earlier in this post I made mention of 'rock-star ego'. What rock-star turned writer would pass up the chance to make himself look ultra-cool when regaling others with tales from the road? Not many, I believe. Jake is one of those 'not manys'. The response I received was personally written from Jake's own email account. It addressed me by name, thanked me for the kind words, added encouragement for my own musical goals, and even shared a story about Bloomington (my alma mater's location) since he'd visited there before. It was very, very cool.
Now, I know it's not an email from Paul McCartney but it still made me feel a little bigger. Bigger is not the best word to describe it, but 'important' and 'cosmopolitan' are worse fits, so I'm sticking with a 'little bigger'. I, of course, wrote back and shared another, related story. He was kind enough to respond again and again and before I knew it, I was having a cyber-conversation with a musician and writer that I really admired. I was a little bit floored to know that Jake was taking time out of his day to joke with me and swap stories, even though he had nary a clue who the hell I was. He was just a normal guy with impressive accomplishments that appreciated some genuine kind remarks. Like I said - no rock-star ego with him at all. It was very refreshing and solidified my positive opinion of Jake. The way he portrayed himself in his book matched the attitude I found in his emails. I don't think that's very common.

The last message I sent Jake said something along the lines of "thank you for corresponding with me, a total stranger, just because I like your book and found the 'email Jake' link". His reply summed up an attitude that I think is largely missing from the entertainers we admire.
"J.R.," he says, "I hope one day a complete stranger reaches out to you with such kind words. Then you will understand that all of this is zero-percent hassle and on hundred percent gratification."

Jake Slichter and his awesome scarf

So, here's to you Jake. I hope one day you Google yourself and somehow find your way over to this little blog that nobody reads. Thanks for talking with me, and don't forget to email once and awhile.

Helplessness Blues

The Fleet Foxes, the greatest indie-rock/folk/alternative/Pacific Northwest flannel-clad beard-wearin' band in existence will be releasing their sophmore debut "Helplessness Blues" on May 3rd. I will be buying it then and I recommend you do too.

Click here to hear the title track. If there is nothing about this song that you like, I hope you catch gonorrhea.
Seriously, it's like angels are melting my eardrums with pure awesomeness.

If I had an orchard I'd work 'til I'm sore.

One Classic Album

In this new segment I will pick an album of yore and comment on how awesome it is. Don't agree with my pick? Then leave a comment and share it with the entire interwebs! Or don't. You're opinion doesn't really matter anyway.


First pick is (drumroll)... "One Fierce Beer Coaster" by The Bloodhound Gang.

In 1996 I was a high-school freshman with a strange sense of humor. A friend introduced me to "One Fierce Beer Coaster" by the Bloodhound Gang and immediately I found a album where not only were pubescent jokes put into a musical format, they were put into songs that were... well... good. Catchy even. I was hooked.
What made it even better was the album had just been released that year, and it was band that nobody in my small southern Indiana town had ever heard of. It was new, it was cool, and goddammit I was cool for listening to it (at least that's what i told myself). The mind of a 14 year old boy is a strange, strange place. Believe me, I've been there.
With simile-drenched lyrics these ruffians from Pennsylvania tapped into everything I thought was funny at the time. (curse words, sex jokes, etc.) We used to ride around in my buddy's 1990 Plymouth Laser and play "Fire Water Burn" as loud as we could. It was a magical time for me. I'll never forget that car.
If you've never listened to the album (in it's entirety!) and you harbor a sense of humor somewhere in your brain that resembles a young weird kid, then listen to it already. I will note that as I've aged and my music taste has changed, the songs aren't quite as stylistic and satirically brilliant as they were to 14 year old Mr. Phip, but they still hold their own. I'm turning 30 this summer, so really it's only a matter of time before I find myself toe-tapping to John Tesh while cruising in a mini-van, but this album reminds me I was once a weird kid. And that weird kid is the only thing keeping me from completely turning into my dad.

I'll leave you with two pieces of information that should propel you even further into the loving arms of "One Fierce Beer Coaster"

1. I'm Jimmy Pop I am
Jimmity Jimmity Pop I am I am
See my name's not Hoover and I don't give a damn
And I got a different angle like a parellelogram
            -snippet of lyrics from "Shut Up"

2. the track "Boom" features Vanilla Ice (Rob Van Winkle). Mind you - this was post "Ice Ice Baby" and pre "The Surreal Life". Basically - the purgatory section of Vanilla's* career.

* I can just call him Vanilla, because this is the second time I've referenced him in the MusiqSphere. I should charge him for the damn publicity.

I'm a bass player

I've been playing in a band recently. Yes - that does make me a rockstar, FYI.
By 'recently' I mean I've been rehearsing with 2 friends nearly once a week for almost a year now. Although we will not be headlining any arenas soon (nor any local bars, or coffee-shops either) I do think we could succeed as an opening act for another, not-suck-quite-as-bad band.
Trust me, that last statement marks a vast improvement in our ability. Vast.
So, the band consists of an excellent drummer, an excellent guitarist/vocalist, and...well... me. I taught myself to play guitar when I was just a junior-high school tween, and I'm not bad. I'm not melt-your-face awesome, just not bad.
We tried the idea of two guitarists and a drummer, hoping that soon we could find a bassist to coerce into playing with us. No dice there... all the bassists we knew we already playing in actual bands. Early on, during one of our first rehearsals the drummer casually mentioned that he owns a bass guitar... maybe I could give it try? What's the worst that could happen, right?
I agreed with the idea that it would temporarily fill out our band's sound and as soon as a real bassist was found, I could go back to guitar. Well, guess what? Fast-forward a year and I'm now a bassist. And to be honest - I'm not that embarrassed about it.
It took me awhile to realize that only a very small percentage of my acquired guitar-playing skills would translate to bass. Literally, for 6 months I played on two strings. max. Playing the bass is very different from playing guitar. I enjoy the fact that I'm starting to get the hang of it... I am actually starting to sound like I know what I'm doing, and it only took me a year of blistered fingers and constant reminders of self-worth. Bass players need some sort of self-worth reminders. Take the 'bass solo' for example. I mean, really... what's the point?
In honor of the fact that I now consider myself a bass player I wanted to share some of my favorite bass-player jokes. Further proof that after a year of slaving away on those 4 giant strings, I still refuse to take myself (or bass players in general) seriously. But hey - somebody has to play the damn thing, right? Enjoy!

What do bass players use for contraception?
Their personalities!

One night at the local club, the mind-reader closes her set by reading the mind of the each of the musicians in the band.
First, she reads the mind of the lead guitarist:
"Wow, look at all the cute chicks who showed up tonight! I bet they're all here to see me. Good crowd!"
Then the drummer:
"Look at that crowd! With this many people in the house, we're going to make good money tonight!"
Then the Keyboard player:
"Yeesh, look at that crowd. None of them will ever truly appreciate all of my talent. What a bunch of losers."
Finally, the Bass player:
"E E E E E E E E A A A A A A A A E E E E E E E E..."

What do you call a beautiful woman on a bassist's arm?
A tattoo.

What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a drunk bass player?
One of them has to be plugged in to actually suck.

What do you call a bass player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

What do you do if you run over a bass player?
Back up and make SURE. (this one is extra-funny because our drummer actually got hit by a car after a gig with his other band. Since he was not a bass player, they just sped off without backing up. Don't worry - he's fine.)


What do you call a bass player with a college degree?
Night manager at McDonalds.

There were two people walking down the street. One was a bass player. The other didn't have any money either.

Why don't bass players tell blonde jokes?
They don't understand them.

What's the difference between a bass player and a pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.



How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the guitar player has to show him how to do it.

Son: "Daddy, I want to grow up and be a bass player."
Father: "Son, you can't have it both ways."

Why are there four strings on a bass?
Three are spares.

How can you tell if your stage is level?
The drool comes out of both sides of the bass player's mouth

What do you call a bass player that just broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? 

A Bass Player.

Little Johnny's father finally agrees to teach him to play bass, just like his dad. For the first lesson, Dad shows Johnny the E string and tells him to practice thumping on just that string. Nice, even quarter notes. For the second lesson, Dad shows Johnny the A string, telling him to just thump away on it - again, nice, even quarter notes. For the third lesson, Dad shows him how to go back and forth: A - E - A - E. Back and forth, just like a Country bass line. Nice, even quarter notes. When Johnny doesn't show up for his fourth lesson, Dad calls his wife at work to see if Johnny forgot about his lesson. The wife replies, "Oh. Didn't you hear? He left this morning to tour with Garth Brooks."

How do you make a bass player's car go faster?
Take the Dominos Pizza sign off the top.

What's the fastest way for a bass player to end band practice?
"You guys want to work on some songs I wrote?"